Twelve Much Better Ways to Spend Your Time with Wolves

I just discovered the "Lists" section of McSweeney's. Though it is a treasure trove of wit, my current favorite is "Twelve Sequels to Dances With Wolves That, Due to Monetary Constraints, Were Never Produced," by Eric Feezell:

--Buys Drinks for Wolves

--Makes Sweet Love to Wolves

--Eschews the Calls of Wolves

--Goes Nearly a Year Without Seeing Wolves

--Runs Into at Safeway and Has Some Explaining to Do to Wolves

--Shrewdly Offers Extra Ticket to See Los Lobos at the Fillmore to Wolves

--Once Again, Dances With Wolves

--Begins to Seriously See Wolves

--Hastily Weds Wolves

--Is Repeatedly Untrue to Wolves (NC-17)

--Gets Sloppy, Perhaps in a Subconsciously Purposeful Gesture, and Is Discovered by Wolves

--Pays Alimony to Wolves

I didn't really care much for Dances with Wolves. A little too full of its own goodness, perhaps. And of course it committed the unpardonable sin of winning the Best Picture Academy Award over GoodFellas, though I guess you can't really blame the movie itself for that. I can tell you I'd rather watch GoodFellas again any day than Dances. But I love the list.